call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
