Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
