When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
