he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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