I think im going to throw up on grandma
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
