just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
