What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
