I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
