Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
