i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
