He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
