i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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