i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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