so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
