I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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