I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
