i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
