You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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