Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
