Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
