You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
