just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
