maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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