so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
