hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
