Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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