What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have tasted many bathrooms
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
