i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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