i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
