ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
