Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
