His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
