I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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