My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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