i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
