Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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