so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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