What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my shit smells like andre
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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