I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
