great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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