i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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