I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
