i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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