thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
