I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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