that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
