I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
