Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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