As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So squirting runs in the family.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
