ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
