a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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