What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
