After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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