Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
