Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No subtext here. People are naked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
