I never want to see another naked old woman again.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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