Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So many bounce houses so little time
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
