cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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