He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
