this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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