dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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