I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
zippers are such a cool invention
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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