these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
