just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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