when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
